It's that time of year once again, the lights are up, the tree is decorated, the cupboards and fridges are heaving with delicious goodies and the festive Radio Times is waiting to lead us into a festive heap of Christmas television and films. 

One of the most important elements of the Christmas Dinner, and day, in my house was always the Christmas Crackers. Laden with paper hats, tiny screwdrivers, charades, puzzles and most of all, the thing that has become almost synonymous with these pyrotechnical, paper-present tubes, the bad Christmas Joke. It just doesn't feel like a Christmas dinner if there isn't a quip or two read aloud to widespread groans of disapproval/approval. I myself take my writing very seriously and am personally a huge fan of bad puns and cheesy one-liners, so, in this post, I have compiled a list of some of the worst/best jokes that can be found in Christmas Crackers that relate to animals and pets for your pre-Christmas pleasure. Read on and enjoy!!

• What’s a sheep’s favourite Christmas song? Fleece Navidad!
• Why aren't dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
• What kind of dog chases anything red? A Bulldog!
• What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? – Neigh-bours!
• What do frogs wear on their feet? – Open Toad Sandals!
• What school subject are snakes best at? – Hisssstory!
• How do you make an octopus laugh? – Ten-tickles!
• Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? – Because they were two deer!
• What do you call a boomerang that does not come back? – A Stick!
• What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? – Dam!
• What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert? – Lost!
• What do you call a blind reindeer? – No eye-deer!
• Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? – Santa Jaws!
• What do you call a bee with a quiet hum? – A mumble bee!
• What reindeer has the worst manners? – Rude-olph!
• What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato!
• What does a frog do if his car breaks down? – He has it toad!
• Why do cows never have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry!
• What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie-talkie!
• What kind of math do birds like? A: Owlgebra!
• Why didn’t the pachyderm get the job he wanted? A: His qualifications were completely irrelephant!
• Who plays a whale's favourite music? Orca-stras!
• What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly? The collie wobbles!
• What do you get if you cross a Beatle and a wild dog? Dingo Starr!
• What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show!
• Who delivers your dog’s Christmas presents? Santa Paws!
• Who delivers Christmas presents to good little sharks when they're sleeping? Santa Jaws!
• What is a lion's favourite Christmas carol? Jungle Bells.
• What bird is the best at unlocking doors? A turkey!
• Which Christmas carol do dogs like best? Bark the Herald Angels Sing!
• What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck? A Christmas quacker!

• What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards!
• What Christmas carol is sung in the desert? O, Camel Ye Faithful!
• What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?‍ One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
• My dog used to chase people riding a bike all the time. It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
• A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?” “Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
• What do you call a large dog that meditates? Aware wolf
• A man takes his trusted rare breed dog to the dog show. The judge commented, 'This is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what he would fetch if he were in top condition? '‍'Sticks” the man replied.
• What’s orange and sounds like a carrot? A parrot.
• What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells
• What birds always stick together? Vel-Crows
• What do you call a magician's dog? A labracadabrador
• What do you call a snail's Christmas party? A Shellerbration
• What do rabbits say to each other during the festive period? Hoppy Christmas
• Why couldn't the Dartmoor pony sing any Christmas carols? Because she was a little horse.